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We are all survivors of loss. Whether we like
it or not, we are. We may be at different points along that continuum,
but we are all survivors. Inherent in that very word survivor,
is Hope. Our degree of hope may vary, yet what we share in common
is the potential for growth and renewal from being a survivor. The
lasting and cherished memories of our loved ones are what give us
that possibility for hope. We may not see it or feel it right now,
especially if our child/loved one has recently died, but it IS there,
if we want it to be ~ it's our choice to be open to it or not.
Of course, we could just say that this work of grief
is just too hard and unbearable, and at times, it does feel that
way, especially around times of cheer and new life such as holidays
and birthdays. But what is it that gets us through those heart-wrenching
times? HOPE.
Often times we don't feel like we have many choices.
We feel cut-off from our families, friends, and co-workers. We feel
as if no one understands how the death of our loved one has so deeply
affected us. And because we feel no one understands, we make the
choice to shutdown and turn inward ~ thus, dimming our view for
the possibility of hope, for the possibility of dreaming again,
and for the possibility of living and loving again in a world without
our loved one.
You know, part of doing grief work is reminiscing
and going over and over again in our minds and experiencing in our
hearts the lives of those that have died...the good times, as well
as the not so good times. In the midst of yearning to touch and
to kiss them.to listen to their laugh or cry.to smell their special
aftershave, perfume, or the scent of their baby fresh hair.to see
the twinkle in their eyes or their gentle smile.we must 'let
go' of their physical presence and hold them and cherish them in
our memory. As painful as this process is, it is our way
of maintaining our relationship with our loved one. Just because
they died doesn't mean that the relationship is over ~ it is just
transforming within another dimension...and for me that means
a very moving spiritual dimension.
To begin our healing, our hearts and minds must
be like an open door ~ we make the choice to allow not only
our loved one's memories to flow through, but to allow the love
of our families, friends, and co-workers to comfort us in our time
of woundedness. Accepting their love, as well as reaching out for
it, gives us the opportunity to share the love and life of our child,
father, mother, sister, brother, husband, wife, aunt, uncle, grandparent,
or friend.
Let our voice of love and hope be heard ~ moving
us beyond survival, with our loved one's 'light' forever burning
in our hearts and minds.
We all have the potential to be instruments of
love and hope on this earth. It is our responsibility to keep
our loved one's 'light' shining within us and to share the rainbow
of their life with others. In our own time and in our own special
way, that 'light' will guide us out of the darkness, to the hope
of living and loving again...
Deb Lee Gould, Director
FOD Family Support Group
September 7, 1994
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