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Kristen
July, 1985 |
Roses, especially small yellow ones, have always had
a special meaning to me throughout my life ~ being a symbol of beauty,
light and love. However, after the death of our only daughter and
child at the time, on July 21, 1985, that meaning grew in significance.
A few years after Kristen's death, I
asked my sister-in-law to draw for me how I envisioned 'my rose.'
Her design truly embraces my grief journey. The contrasting closed
and open rose on a single stem symbolizes my path through pain to
a new kind of 'wholeness.'
 The
closed rose portrays my life the instant Kristen died and for many
years afterwards ~ shutdown, frozen, and believing I might never
live and love again as I had before. I was, in many ways, closed
also to new relationships (outside of other bereaved parents) for
fear of losing them too. I didn't want to hurt anymore so I limited
who I 'let in.'
Yet through experiencing my 'spiritual awakenings'
over the years (shared in articles under Coping & Healing),
I have gone through different levels of transformation and growth,
symbolized as the open rose. It opens above the closed rose to signify
moving along my grief journey from the depths of darkness to the
healing light ~ slowly mending my wounded and fractured heart, mind
and soul.
Although I realize that my journey after my daughter's
death is in many ways a lifelong one, I feel more 'whole' than ever
before ~ ready to live life again, to be open to new relationships,
to new possibilities, and to new learnings.
Roses have a special meaning to me ~ in the past,
in the present, and in the future. Yet, one thing endures across
time for me ~ the healing power of faith, hope and love ~ all of
which are symbolized in 'my rose.'
Deb Lee Gould, MEd, Director
FOD Family Support Group
MCAD Parent and Grief Consultant
April 2000
Please note: If anyone has an individual or
family loss and grief concern, and would like another perspective
on that concern, please email me [complete the Grief Intake Form]. I have experienced a child's sudden
death, have raised an MCAD young adult (as well as his MCAD carrier teen
brother!), have a Masters degree in Education/Counseling (1993)
and have worked with bereaved parents over the years. Our correspondence,
of course, would not take the place of face-to-face counseling with
another grief professional if that's something you choose to do
and feel that you may benefit from, but it might offer you some
helpful suggestions while working through your own grief as an individual
and as a family.
Email: deb@fodsupport.org
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