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I have always believed that we all have a guardian
angel that protects us and guides us throughout our life. I have
not personally lost a child to an illness but I have gone through
the pain and grief of losing three young children in our family.
Most of all, it is very hard and painful to guide a child through
the loss of losing a cousin or a family member. After the tragic
deaths of my two nieces and nephew, I told my children that they
were very special to have not one guardian angel but two guardian
angels for each of them. This brought to me a special kind of comfort
just knowing that Matthew, Jennifer and Lori were walking beside
my children on their daily walks through life.
This is a love story, you might say, between two small
little girls. The love they had for one another was beyond their
years. All children are special gifts! In April of 1974, a little
boy was born in a Kansas City hospital. His parents give him the
name of Matthew, which means, "God's gift to the Lord." Six
months after Matthew's birth in October of 1974 in a Kansas City
hospital, my daughter, Shannon, was born and Matthew and Shannon
became cousins. They hardly saw one another because in January of
1975, 9-month old Matthew died suddenly leaving 4-month old Shannon
without a cousin. Just three weeks before Matthew's death, I took
a photo of the two babies lying together on a blanket on Christmas
Day. When I took the picture, I had visions of the two of them growing
up together and how cute they looked lying side-by-side looking
up.
Several months following Matthew's death in October
1975, Shannon celebrated her first birthday, and a few days later,
another girl is born in a Kansas City hospital and she is named
Jennifer. She is Matthew's sister and a cousin for Shannon. When
Shannon was 18-months old and Jenny became 9-months old their unusual
love story unfolds.
These two little toddlers actually respected one another;
when one cried the other one was sympathetic. They rarely fought;
they shared toys, clothes, and secrets and jokes as well as fears.
They cherished every moment they could be together! Nicknames came
along for Shannon and Jenny, Shannon was and is very particular
about who will use her special nickname, and Jenny was nicknamed
"Jenny Bird" because of her love for Big Bird on Sesame Street.
In April 1978 Jenny's mother gave birth to Lisa, her
third child. While mother and baby recuperated, Jenny stayed with
us. Shannon and Jenny each had one good time engaging in play for
hours on end!
Holidays are a tradition in any family and our family
was no exception! Even a Baptism called for a family celebration
to welcome the newest addition into the family circle. When one
of the children received First Holy Communion, there was a reception
to honor that child afterwards. Christmas in our family was the
most hectic of holidays but brought us endless memories. It was
such a pleasure to watch the children open their gifts with glee.
One Christmas their mother, Diane, and I bought the same exact outfit
without each other's knowledge. It was funny when the girls opened
their gifts to find the exact same thing! Easter brought the girls
together to show off their new dresses and Easter Baskets. On the
fourth of July we would have a family gathering and they would eagerly
await the night to come so they could see the fireworks. Our annual
"Turkey Day" brought two hungry little girls running to the table.
They even celebrated their birthday together by having double birthday
parties on numerous occasions. Their friends were theirs to share.
Overall, their laughter made all our holidays and gatherings worthwhile.
Diane and I would often go on shopping treks with
Jenny and Shannon. Often while shopping, people would take notice
of Shannon and Jenny. They would then ask if the girls were twins.
Those two little imps seemed to enjoy being asked that question
for they would look at each other and smile real big and they would
look up at the person and giggle with pure delight! We would tell
the person(s) that the girls are cousins but they could have very
easily passed as sisters.
October 19, 1979 was the last time we saw Jenny. I
fell ill with a bad cold that kept me inside for a month. Jenny
would call and beg me in her tiny voice to bring Shannon to her
house so they could play or she wanted to come to our house to play
with Shannon. She wanted Shannon's companionship so much! The last
time Shannon talked on the telephone to Jenny was on November 10th
and, again she begged me to bring Shannon to her. She was crying
as she asked me repeatedly to get together so she and Shannon could
play. I told her that I was still sick, but she and Shannon could
talk on the telephone to one another for as long as they wanted.
Tuesday, November 13, 1979, 1 heard a knock on the
back door. Shannon's (and my son, Sean) grandparents stood on the
back porch as I opened the door to let them in. Their faces were
sullen and their eyes were red and puffy. I knew instantly that
something awful was wrong! Three words came out of their mouths,
"JENNY IS DEAD." They entered the house and I looked over at
Shannon and noticed that she had a very confused look on her little
face. Grandma Casey went and knelt down beside Shannon and gently
explained to her 5-year-old grandchild that Jenny went to Heaven
to be with her brother, Matthew. My little girl began to cry hysterically
and I ran to her and hugged her ever so tight as Jenny had hugged
her in the past. That November morning turned into a very dismal
one for us. I felt so very sorry for Shannon because she cried so
much and mourned the loss of Jenny. All Shannon had are memories
in which she held so close to her heart. I knew that she felt anger,
confusion, and grief as she tried to comprehend Jenny's death. The
week after Jenny's death, Shannon moped around the house and was
very depressed. I became concerned that she would die from a broken
heart. When she talked about Jenny, I would listen to what she was
saying. We hugged each other and I held her close to me to comfort
her in any way I could. We talked about death and dying and she
wanted to know why Jenny left her. It was hard to discuss with a
small child about death and dying and we did not know what caused
Jenny's death.
On November 15th we went for Visitation and the Rosary.
My mother and father came to the funeral home. When they entered
the building, Shannon ran up to my parents, and reached out and
took their hands into hers and led them to Jenny's side. I watched
her walk with them up the aisle and stand with them as they gave
their respects for Jenny. I also knew that she was in her own small
way, saying good-bye to her as well. I held back tears to the point
my eyes ached because I did not want Shannon to see how much I was
hurting inside because I did not want my little girl to hurt more.
I looked around and then caught a glimpse of Shannon standing alone
next to Jenny looking lovingly down at her with tears in her eyes.
I started to walk towards my little girl but Jenny's father went
over and picked her up and held her tightly as if to say to her,
she is still with you and always will be. Much later she told me
that Jenny had told her that she has a cloud waiting for her in
Heaven and Shannon must of found comfort in this message from Jenny.
Jenny's funeral was on November 16, 1979. Her brother,
Matthew's grave site was about twelve feet from Jenny's grave. We
stood there at Jenny's graveside and listened to the priest's prayers,
but his words seemed muffled and miles away. Later at the cemetery,
Shannon placed some flowers on the graves of Matthew and Jenny.
I watched her facial expressions as she knelt beside Jenny and I
saw her lips move 'why Jenny, why?' She then stood up and followed
me quietly back to the car and she sat there in silence for the
ride home.
It took several months for Shannon to deal with Jenny's
sudden and untimely death. We want Shannon to keep the memories
and love of Jenny close to her heart. She would request that we
go to the cemetery so she could spend time with Jenny. Once while
we were there, I glanced over and saw her sitting next to Jenny's
headstone and she was picking leaves, twigs off her headstone. Again
I saw her lips move "why Jenny?" and tears rolled down her cheeks.
The Casey family grew after Jenny's death. In August
of 1980, Diane had her fourth child, another daughter, Lori. In
January 1981, I gave birth to my third child, Gregory. The family
continued to expand. The children's grandparents have sixteen grandchildren
in all. In March 1984, Diane had her last child, Jill. In July of
1984, Lori passed away leaving another huge gap in our family circle
and questions to be answered. Her parents, Lisa and Jill traveled
to a New York City hospital in November of 1987 to find answers
and it was there that they learned that a fatty oxidation disorder
(MCAD) claimed the lives of Matthew, Jenny and Lori.
Shannon is now an adult and I know that she still
finds herself thinking of Jenny. I have a feeling she thinks, like
I do, about what Matthew, Jenny and Lori would look like today.
What type of person that they turned out to become; if they were
married, single or became parents. What type of vocation they chose
to enter. I still think that, at times, Jenny is watching over Shannon
more so than usual as Shannon goes through her daily tasks, and
takes care of her own two small children, Neve' and Stacie. Neve'
was born November 10, 1995. 1 wonder if Shannon will tell her girls
about her love for Jenny and their story of childhood memories they
shared. It would be wonderful if Shannon shared her childhood with
them.
Jenny gave Shannon a very special gift on November
13, 1999. This date marked the 20th anniversary of Jenny's death.
Shannon gave birth to her second daughter, Stacie Lynn. We think
of Stacie's birth on November 13th as Jenny's way of bringing us
a second coming to something wonderful because Matthew, Jenny and
Lori are also special guardian angels to two very special little
girls!
Stephanie Casey
Rochester, NY
sacusa@juno.com
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